......in breaking news today the mystery of the Old Post Office Ghost has been resolved. After just over a year of head-scratching, speculation and scientific investigation it turns out that the Thurrock Learning Shop does not indeed have a ghost. It remained unexplained just how the air-conditioning could magically turn itself on in two of the control panels and not the third. Overnight internal CCTV footage has been systematically reviewed for proof of the phantom presence and more recently a trap involving a strategically placed piece of A4 paper on the floor uncovered no evidence. In an unexpected twist today, it was revealed that the air conditioning units had been secretly programmed on a timer.
.......and in entertainment news the shock revelation that the Gray's Town Centre Pan-Pipe Player has been miming through his full repertoire of 5 songs. Local worker Mrs Brisco said "It was such a shock as he was playing his Pan-Pipes quite happily into the microphone with the backing track as normal. A dog barked at him and he ran away but magically it was still possible to hear the sweet rendition of Celine Dion's award-winning and haunting Titanic song." In a statement released by the Pan Pipe Player's PR Manager it was stated that "many current artistes such as Brittney Spears and Cheryl Cole mime sections of their songs in order to compliment and enhance rigorous dance performances. We can offer assurance however, that when he sits down with his accordion his renditions of ABBA classics are live and genuine performances."
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